Relationship Reconnection: Where can you start?

By: Vanessa Paterino

Are you struggling in your relationship? Do you ever wonder how you can be the best partner to your significant other? When in conflict, do you find yourself feelings like you are speaking a different language? Then this blog post may interest you.

The California divorce meditation project reported that the most common reason given for divorce was gradually growing apart, losing a sense of closeness, and not feeling loved and appreciated. Severe and intense fighting were endorsed by only 40% of the couples (Gottman, 2014). Perhaps this is you, and you are wondering, how can I reignite a fire in my relationship? Or perhaps you wonder, how can I prevent growing distant with my partner? These are normal thoughts to reflect on and the truth is, many of us struggle in relationships. This is a part of what it means to be human. Sometimes we don’t convey what it is we mean to say, or maybe our partner only hears what he or she wants to, based on their perceived reality. This can be equally as frustrating. Intimacy in relationships can be both a profound connection and a source of struggle. The challenge often lies in balancing emotional vulnerability with the need for personal space. Many people fear opening up due to past experiences, fear of rejection, or difficulty in expressing feelings. This emotional distance can create a barrier, even in the closest relationships, leading to miscommunication, unmet needs, or feelings of isolation.

At the same time, intimacy requires trust, which is built over time and through consistent actions. Often times, external pressures like work, family dynamics, or personal insecurities can create walls, making it harder to foster deep connections. Building emotional intimacy is typically key to unlocking physical intimacy with our partner. However, differing expectations or love languages between partners can lead to misunderstandings about what intimacy looks like in practice.

For intimacy to flourish, it requires both partners to actively engage in honest conversations, practice empathy, and be patient with each other as they navigate their individual struggles. Trust- building and being emotionally present, even in moments of difficulty, are key elements to overcoming these struggles and deepening the connection.

If you are noticing that your relationship satisfaction is decreasing due to some of these unaddressed gaps, perhaps it’s time to inject some new habits!

1) Practice Active Listening

Take time to truly listen to each other, not just respond. Make eye contact, avoid distractions, and show empathy. Reflect back what your partner is saying, so they know they know they are heard and understood. This deep level of listening helps to foster a sense of connection and emotional closeness. This really means, looking away form the screen, the kids, the laundry and whatever it may be and really being present when our partner is sharing with us.

2) Create Rituals of Connection: Establish routines or activities that encourage bonding

This could be something as simple as having a weekly date night, sharing a gratitude journal, reading the same book, or even a nightly check-in where you talk about your day and how you’re feeling. Consistency in these small rituals strengthens emotional ties. (Personal favorite: learning a new skill together!)

3) Be the Model of Change

Often times we can be quick to point fingers as to what our partner is not doing enough of. However, change begins with you - as you can only control yourself. Attempt to be vulnerable with your partner, extend gratitude (even for the small things), practice holding space for difficult conversations, or suggest new points of connection. The person who desires the change must be the one to take the first steps towards cultivating the desired dynamic.

Try injecting these simple tips into your relationship and you will notice more opportunities to build on your connection and grow closer in your intimacy.

Relationships, like anything else in life, require commitment and follow through. When experiencing disconnect from our partner, we can choose to see this as a call for growth and an opportunity to face some of our own blind spots when it comes to intimacy.

If you’re looking for some assistance in figuring out how to begin this journey, reach out to our team and schedule a chat to know more about how we can help you and your partner reconnect.